A New Day

So I woke up feeling much better this morning. I slept beautifully - with a slobbery pillow to prove it. Life is once again back to our routine. The babies are cute and charming again. I talked to Jackie W this morning & she reminded me that all the extra work with twins now will pay off later when they have each other as playmates and I won't have to entertain them so much. I've been at work for a few hours and I'm still plowing through piles of paper - but it feels good because I'm using my brain again. We're all trying to watch what we eat starting this week & then somebody had the nerve to bring this yummy trail mix snacky chocolate cereal stuff. Geez!

Bad Mommy

I think today is the first day since the babies have been born that I have NOT felt like being a mom. This week off was really wonderful, I enjoyed spending time with both of them, just with me. Then around Friday I started to crack a little - I missed the social adult interaction, I hated feeling all needy when Brett came home from work. I had too much pop all day & I couldn't get to sleep on Friday night... then I was overtired AND stressed out all day Saturday. Fortunately Mom & Dad came over in the afternoon & I took a nap. It was the first one all week where I didn't have to sleep with one eye open waiting for someone to wake up. I know there's lots of other moms, including friends of mine, who never get a break & have been home with their babies since Day 1, with no help. I am so glad I'm not one of them. I'm actually looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I think this whole thing was probably good for me so I could really let it sink in that I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom. People in some circles I'm in - like church - are still shocked that I still work full-time. I guess I'm finally glad that I DO work outside our home. I am just not cut out to set my own schedule & have to prioritize everything for myself. Brett was really good about the whole thing & let me vent & took care of the babies most of the evening.

I also decided that at almost 5 months, I'm going to wean Zoe off the breastmilk. I just hit a wall with it, and I'm done. I'm doing it slowly... trying to just pump once in the morning and once at night. I still have a dwindling stash in the freezer that I'll use up too. She's doing ok on the formula, although the first bottle she didn't really like & she puked it all up. That was my fault though, cuz it was a can we opened when I was in the hospital the week after they were born, and I didn't read on the can that you're supposed to toss it after a month. I hope she can handle switching formulas a little bit, because I have tons of samples I'd like to use up that we couldn't use for David.

I'm feeling down. I think I get a lot of my self-worth from work. I'd never admit it to anyone there, but I missed getting some of the praise this week. Ok, I'm babbling now.

The Parade magazine in the paper today was really weird. The cover story was about Benazir Bhutto. They didn't even print a preface to the fact that now she's dead. I wonder how far ahead they print those? It seemed pretty tacky and irresponsible to me.

Jan 2, 2008

It's hard to type with Zoe on my lap. So here are my latest pictures. I'm on vacation this week & loving staying home with Zoe & David all by myself! We have our moments but overall this is wonderful. Moments like Zoe puking up her bottle of formula I gave her. Three big heaves, all projectile. I watched it in slo-mo from the kitchen. Fortunately she managed to get most of it on the tray of her exer-saucer & not all over herself or the floor. I was going to clear out the other crib today so we can split them up. Didn't get to it. But I also didn't try that hard.

Priorities

When I was still pregnant I read in a parents' magazine that something like 75% of moms would rather sleep another hour than take a shower. At the time I thought, how could you? Wouldn't you just have to take a shower sometimes? My, how things change. Every day I think, Geez, all this getting ready stuff takes forever. Maybe I should shave my head so I could sleep another 15 minutes every day.

David's started sleeping on his tummy now that he can roll over. He sleeps more soundly & for longer periods of time. He also fills up the front part of his diaper and the back is still dry, and he slobbers all over the sheet wherever his head lands for a while. We're entering a new era of bodily functions.

New blog

If my horoscope was ever right about anything, it's that us Leos have big ideas and short attention spans. I have decided I'm tired of posting to my Yahoo group & thought I'd give blogger another try. I had a page almost exactly a year ago - right after we found out I was pregnant - and at the time we had dial-up that wouldn't cooperate, so I gave it up & forgot about it.

My Yahoo group was great during the pregnancy, but now that the babies are here it's not as much fun to post anymore. I suppose it's because I (mostly) have my body back & it's not so weird being me now. I figured with this blog I'll be a little more free & just talk about my life as if whoever is reading this knows exactly who I'm talking about... kinda lazy but easier than taking the time to explain who everyone is. You'll figure it out.

I'm on vacation this week - woo hoo! It only took me 13 years to get this particular week of the year. I'm looking forward to spending lots of plain old doing nothing time with David & Zoe. Steph & I get to have a girls' day on Thursday, which happens to be her birthday. Pedicures & margaritas, I can't think of a better thing to do on a Thursday. Then on Friday - weather permitting - I'm going to Susie's house with the babies. Ambitious & maybe a little crazy, but it is going to be fun. I'm not going to be camping in the woods or anything - whatever I forget, we can go buy at Walmart. Brett thinks I'm nuts. That's ok. If I played everything safe all the time he might as well just be married to himself. Make sense? It does in my head.

My head is spinning with all kinds of things I'd like to write about. I think that means I should go to bed. Since becoming a mom I have this never-ending struggle with myself: I long for a little alone time, and the only time I get it is after everyone's gone to bed. I am tired; I should sleep. But I treasure this quiet time now like I never did before... even if it's just surfing a while & catching up on email. Then I have guilt that if I'm going to stay up late I should read my Bible, or at least read instead of surf, but then I stuff that all down & surf more anyway. And the Mommy-guilt cycle continues and then I go to bed, and wake up another day all bleary-eyed & tell myself TONIGHT I'm going to bed when everyone else does. See you tomorrow night. :)